The Signifying Monkey is a classic routine originally on a comedy album by Rudy Ray Moore aka Dolemite.
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Way, way down in the jungle deep
The badass lion stepped on the signifying monkey's feet.
The monkey said, "Motherfucka, can't you see?
You're standing on my god damn feet!"
The lion said, "I ain't heard a word you said."
Said, "If you say three more I'll be steppin on yo muthafuckin head!"
Now, the monkey lived in the jungle in an old oak tree
Bullshittin' a line every day of the week.
Everyday before the sun go down,
That lion would kick his ass all through the jungle town.
But the monkey got wise and started using his wit,
Start telling "I'm gonna put a stop to this old ass kickin shit."
So he ran up on the lion the very next day
He said, "Oh, Mr. Lion. There's a big, bad motherfucka coming your way.
And he's somebody that you don't know.
He just broke aloose from the Ringling Brother's Show."
Said, "He talked about your people in a hell of a way.
He talked about your people til my hair turned gray.
He said your daddy's a freak and your momma's a whore.
Said he spotted you running through the jungle sellin asshole from door to door!
Said your sister did the damndest trick.
She got down so low and sucked a earthworm's dick.
Said he spotted yo niece behind the tree,
Screwin a muthafuckin flea!
He said he saw yo aunt sittin on the fence
Givin a goddamn zebra a french.
Then he talked about yo mammy and yo sister Lou,
Then he start talkin about how good yo grandmaw screw.
Said yo sister's a prostitute and yo brother's a punk,
And said I'll be damned if you don't eat all the pussy you see when you get drunk!
He said he cornholed your uncle and fucked your aunty and niece,
And next time he see yo grandmaw he gonna get him another good piece.
Said your brother died with the whoopin cough and your uncle died with
the measles
And your old grandpaw died with a rag chunked up in his ass, said he's
goin on home to Jesus.
And you know yo little sister that ya love so dear
I fucked her all day for a bottle of beer.
So, Mr. Lion, you know that ain't right.
So wherever you run up on the elephant, I want you to be ready to fight."
The lion jumped up in a hell of a rage
Like a young man smoking some gage.
He ran up on the elephant talking to the swine.
He said, "All right, you big, bad motherfucka,
It's gonna be your ass or mine."
The lion jumped up and made a fancy pass,
But the elephant side-stepped him and knocked him dead on his ass.
He fucked up his jaw, messed up his face,
Broke all four legs and knocked his ass out of place.
They fought all night and all the next day.
Somehow the little lion managed to get away.
He drug his ass back to the jungle more dead than alive,
Just to run into the monkey and more of his signifying jive.
The little monkey said, "Look here, partner, you don't look so swell.
Looks to me like you caught a whole lot of hell."
Said, "Your eyes is red and your ass is blue.
I knew in the first place it wasn't shit to you.
But I told my wife before you left
'I should have whipped your ass my motherfucking self.'
Shut up! Don't you roar!
'Cause I'll jump out of this tree and whip your dog ass some more.
And don't look up here with your stuck 'ol case
Because I'll piss through the fork of this tree in your motherfuckin' face!"
The little monkey got happy; started jumping up and down
His feet missed the limb, and his ass hit the ground.
Like a ball of lightning and a streak of white heat,
That lion was on his ass with all four feet.
Thus, rolls of tears came in the little monkey's eyes,
Nothing he could see and nothing he could hear
But he knew that was the end of his bullshittin' and signifying career
And SIGNIFYING CAREER!!!!
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